Bobby, Les, Tank and Ranger belong to Janet E. and I received no compensation for this story.
The Boss Investigates
Tank dragged a reluctant Lester and Bobby into Ranger’s office.
“Ok, what’s this about?” Ranger looked up from his laptop.
Tank slapped Lester on the back of the head. “Spill it lover boy.”
“Well, you know how you had us helping out and making calls on the new Security Software package we got?” Les mumbled.
“Yes,” replied Ranger.
“You said we should learn how to deal with clients, even before they are clients, or something like that?”
Ranger frowned. “Go on.”
Tank was grinning. Bobby just rolled his eyes.
“Well I was kind of flirting with this girl.” Les confessed.
“Of course you were.” Ranger rubbed his face, pressing his fingers against his eyes. “Tank do you have a recording of this call?”
Tank nodded. He queued up the files from Lester’s computer. When the playback started, only Lester’s side of the call could be heard. They mysterious client’s voice was just a buzz of static.
“Hi, my name is Lester Santos and I am calling for Rangeman Security. Is this Mary Sanders?”
“Buzzcracklebuzz.”
“Great, we are following up on online information requests. Do you have any questions that I can answer? By the way we have a special price if you sign up before Easter.”
“Buzzcracklebuzzcracklebuzzbuzz.”
“What? No, uh yes. Daffodils and Tulips.”
“Buzzcracklecrackle.”
“Right, if it doesn’t snow.”
“Cracklecracklebuzzbuzzcrackle”
“Where in Alaska?”
“Buzzcracklebuzzbuzzcrackle”.
“Skiing no, I really like snowmobiles more.”
“Buzzcracklecracklebuzzbuzzcrackle.”
“Seattle.”
“Buzzbuzzcracklecracklecracklebuzz.”
“Anytime you want.”
“Cracklecracklebuzzcrackle.”
“Yes, I’m transparent. I swear I wouldn’t ever play possum on you.”
‘Buzzbuzzcracklebuzzbuzzbuzz.”
“Yes, I bet you’re beautiful, I mean it’s beautiful up there.”
“Buzz…cracklebuzzbuzz.”
“Oh yes, why did I call. Uh…I’m having trouble remembering.”
“Cracklebuzz.”
“Oh right. Security. Sorry I was drawing a blank there.”
“Cracklebuzzcracklebuzzbuzzcrackle.”
“Salesman Distraction software? Now that’s funny.”
“Cracklecracklecrackle.”
“Hee hee hee hee hee. Swamp people? Huh? Not really familiar with them”
Lester had sunk into a chair when the playback started. He covered his face with both hands when he heard his distinctive giggle emanating from the computer’s speaker.
“Buzzbuzzcrackle.’
“Yes, we can draw up a plan.”
“Cracklebuzzbuzzcrackle.”
Can I check back with you next Wednesday?
Buzzcracklecracklebuzzcracklecrackle.”
“Lester Santos. S-A-N-T-O-S. I really enjoyed talking to you too.”
“Cracklecracklecracklebuzzbuzz.”
“That was really funny.”
“Cracklebuzz.”
“Love you too. Uh, I mean love it too. Sorry…bye.”
“Buzz.”
The computer beeped as the call ended. The room was silent. Les lowered his hands and looked up at Ranger.
“I can’t even begin to imagine the other side of that conversation.” Ranger glared at Lester. He looked over at Bobby, “What was your part in this?”
“Well, I called her to do a satisfaction survey.”
Ranger shook his head. “Shit Bobby!”
“I wasn’t quite as bad as Lester, but I did tell her the name of my dogs.”
Ranger looked at him. “When did you get dogs?”
“I don’t have any dogs.”
“You made up fake dogs and named them?” Ranger was rubbing his face again.
“Honestly Boss, this woman has phone skills you wouldn’t believe.”
“She’s got this southern drawl going and you can just hear the honeysuckle dripping from her lips.” Lester added.
Ranger choked, and started laughing. “The what?”
“Honeysuckle. You know, Honeysuckle.” Les insisted.
“Santos you lost it.” Tank chuckled.
“Santos, you will call her back next Wednesday. You will apologize to her for that call, and you will make her a proposal.” Ranger demanded.
“Ah Boss, I really don’t want to do that. Why can’t Woody do it?”
“Woody? He’s not the one that put his foot in it. You need to make that call.”
“But…uh… he speaks her language. You know, Southernese. Maybe he can get past the distraction software.” Lester was starting to sweat.
“Santos get out of here. You’re giving me a headache.” Ranger growled.
Lester took his time getting up and walking to the door. He kept glancing back at Ranger as if he wanted to continue his protest.
“Tank, do we have enough lumber to build a crate?” Ranger said, watching Lester.
“I’m sure I can round up enough.” Tank smiled.
“Put a heater in it.”
“Why boss?” Tank looked puzzled.
“I hear it gets cold in Alaska this time of year.”
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